Getting a divorce is never easy, but you can take the hassle out of the process if you remember that a divorce is simply a decision to create separate households, divide the marital property and debt and resolve the issues to ensure that children have reasonable access to both the father and mother. 

During a divorce, if the couple cannot resolve these issues, a court will do it for you.  When a court makes the decisions, often neither spouse is satisfied with the outcome.  You can take the hassle and uncertainty out of your divorce by taking the following steps before you file for divorce:


1.    Gather all of the documents related to the financial decisions which must be made before you file for a divorce.  Most divorce courts require the spouses to provide full disclosure regarding income, debt, retirement savings and an inventory of personal and separate property at an early stage in the divorce.  Spend time up front gathering these records so that court forms can be completed quickly and economically.  Have a file of this information available to present to your attorney at the initial strategy meeting so that you can have a productive and informative session with the attorney.  There are penalties for hiding assets.  The cost and expense of investigating hidden assets on either side can consume the assets.

2.    Don’t dig your heels in on issues which are not related to parenting plans, custody issues and distribution of assets and debts.  The reasons the marriage fell apart are not of interest to the court in a “no fault” divorce unless those issues relate to future parenting, custody or a fair and reasonable distribution of assets and debt.

3.    Try to narrow the issues related to your expectations for property settlement and those of your spouse before you meet with an attorney.  Narrowing your expectations helps in deciding what issues, if any require court decision making.

4.    Don’t use your children and creditors as a bargaining chip with the opposing spouse.  Judges make decisions based upon the expectation that what parents want is not always in the best interest of children and creditors.  The court strives for equal access and distribution of assets and debt.  Find your areas of compromise.  The overwhelming presumption in most courts is that both parents should play an equal role in decision making regarding the schooling, extra-curricular activities, religious beliefs and medical decisions involving the children.  Find areas in which you and your spouse share equal values regarding these issues.  The issue is never, “who is the better parent”; but rather, “what decisions are in the best interest of the children.”  Creditors are not a part of the divorce.  Divide debt according to what each spouse can afford to pay.  Pay your portion of the debt and seek contribution from the other spouse.  Protect your credit by paying debt even when the opposing spouse does not.  Seek help from the divorce court for contribution when the other spouse does not pay the required payment.

5.    Don’t select an attorney to start a war that no one wins.  Spouses can waste remaining community assets and individual income on divorce litigation.  Determine the cost of litigation and the benefits which can be gained from the investment in divorce attorneys before you start a war.