Children have many memorable events in their lives. Think of all the holidays, birthdays, and events in which they participate, such as dance recitals or sports events. Yet when divorce intervenes, these special times can become nightmares. To avoid such scenarios, parents contemplating divorce need to arrive at an equitable child custody agreement that both parents can agree upon, so birthdays never need to become battlegrounds.
Divorce, of course, occurs because a couple cannot relate to
each other in a healthy way. Feelings of stress, anger, or slow-simmering
resentment can fester and grow over a period of time. Yet parents need to
create a child custody agreement that puts the child’s welfare first, and the
parents’ feelings on hold, especially during special events and holidays. The
post-divorce relationship may be even more difficult in some respects than a
dysfunctional marriage, particularly if children are involved, but an equitable
child custody agreement can go a long way toward healing some of those wounds.
A well-designed custody agreement should anticipate and address
any issues that may arise during the time the children are still minors. One of
the most-overlooked ingredients, but one of the most important, in a child
custody agreement is a procedure that spells out how to address conflicts. To
construct such an agreement, the parents must set their differences aside long
enough to consider what is in their children’s best interest.
After the divorcing parents have agreed to work out an
agreement that benefits both the children and each parent, they need to negotiate
with the other party in a constructive way. To ensure that the agreement is a
document that offers both an effective co-parenting plan for the children and
an equitable solution that both parents can agree upon, parents may want to
seek sound advice to assist them in planning.
As parents go through the process, they need to keep in the
forefront of their minds the end result: happy children who can sense the love
of both of their parents through the agreement they made for the sake of their
children. The difference between bitter memories and sweet ones is often the
time the parents took to construct their child custody agreement.
Source: Deseret News, "Parenting under two roofs:
Focusing on the children after divorce," Rachel Lowry, Oct. 21, 2012
