Children cope with their parents' separation or divorce in different ways, and they work through their related thoughts and emotions differently as they age and mature. According to a professor of psychiatry and pediatrics from the Baylor College of Medicine, children of divorce go through a grieving process that may repeat itself as they continue to adapt and develop towards adulthood. Though there is worry that children of divorce face long-term difficulties in academics, employment, relationships and behavior, recent studies have shown that up to 80 percent of children of divorce successfully adapt.
The impact of divorce on children is significant but it can be overcome, especially when parents are cordial and cooperative where the kids are concerned. While co-parenting may not be the easiest choice for divorced parents, it may be the best choice for the care and development of children after divorce. A parenting partnership will help the children recognize that they are more important to their parents than the issues that led to divorce.
Set Aside Emotions to Focus on the Children
Parents can focus on four areas that will make their partnership in child-raising successful after divorce. The first is setting aside anger and hurt. Parents should set aside their emotions to focus on the needs of the children because anger and resentment are issues between the parents and do not involve the children. Therefore, parents should never vent their frustrations about the other parent to the child. Instead, let friends and therapists listen to those concerns. Parents should also never use the children as messengers. A child who is asked to deliver a message from one divorced parent to the other is put in the middle of their conflict. Accordingly, parents should communicate with one another directly.
Purposeful Communication Between Parents
Communicating with a former spouse is often difficult, which is why purposeful and calm communication is important to co-parenting after divorce. When communicating with an ex-spouse, parents should remember that the purpose of the discussion is always for the betterment of the children. To avoid conflict, parents can set a business-like approach to their conversations by making requests instead of demands, listening and showing restraint. To show to the children that parenting decisions are made together, parents should consistently communicate with each other.
Co-Parent as a Team
Consistent communication will also help parents co-parent as a team. Even though the children may spend time at different houses, they should know they are expected to live under the same basic set of expectations at each home. Rules in each house do not have to be identical, but should be similar so discipline in households is not mismatched. Rules for homework, curfew and activities should be the same, and children's schedules should also be similar so that meal, homework and bed times positively contribute to the adjustment of two homes.
Smooth Transitions Between Households
The transition between two households can be extremely difficult for children. In order to help exchanges function more smoothly, parents should try to drop off their child at the other parent's house instead of picking the child up on the transition day. This strategy reduces the risk of interrupting the other parent and reduces the feeling that the child is being taken away from other parent. To make returns easier, children should have certain essentials like a toothbrush and pajamas at both households. A special routine, such as a favorite meal, can also help ease the transition.
An experienced family law attorney can help provide the legal underpinnings of a successful co-parenting plan. Parents considering divorce should contact a family law attorney who can help outline custody issues and strategy.
