In Illinois, there are parents with physical custody of the children, often referred to as residential custody, and there are non-residential custodial parents with visitation rights. In any divorce in which the parties are parents, often, divorce lawyers will tell you that the primary issue is often the division of visitation time with the kids. The most sought after parenting time is during the holidays when families are expected to be together and the kids are not in school.

It is no different here in Chicagoland. Holiday visitation time can be a particularly difficult time for children of divorce and their parents. The best case scenario is when parents amicably set up a parenting schedule by agreement. The best holiday visitation schedule is clear, unambiguous, and in writing.

Unfortunately, there are times when parents delay setting up a holiday visitation schedule. Or, there are times when a case is filed so close to the holidays, that a temporary holiday schedule is not established before the holiday season is upon us. In these circumstances, the parents should diligently work to create a temporary schedule, knowing that the court will not hear their case before the holiday season is over. If this is you, now is the time to contact the experienced divorce lawyers at Kathryn L. Harry & Associates, P.C. to assist you in working out the holiday visitation schedule through the use of settlement techniques such as negotiation, mediation, and collaborative law.

Most holiday visitation schedules delineate who will get which holiday in what year. The better parenting schedules will be detailed and specify times, locations, drop-offs, pick-ups, and responsibility for transportation expenses. Most holiday "emergencies" are a result of poorly drafted or vague court orders and visitation schedules. Many parents attempt to draft their own holiday visitation schedule only to find that the agreement they negotiated and drafted on their own is woefully lacking.

To avoid finding yourself in a bad situation, review your court ordered visitation schedule well in advance of the holidays. Even if you have sole physical custody of your children, the non-custodial parent is generally still entitled to visitation, whether it be supervised visitation, overnight visitation or a simply few hours on the holiday. Your parenting agreement controls. Ask questions of your divorce lawyer to clarify the terms and conditions of the visitation agreement. Think about what is in the best interest of your children. What do they want? What do they need? How can you make this holiday season bright and fun for them?

If you are already fighting with your former spouse or soon-to-be ex about parenting time, stop. Contact a divorce lawyer or legal separation attorney to discuss your options. Many problems concerning visitation schedules can be worked out by the lawyers, thereby avoiding the expense and aggravation associated with filing motions regarding visitation laws and going to court.

10 Helpful Suggestions for Divorced Parents

1. Be flexible. Patience will pay off. If you have a parenting schedule previously agreed upon, follow it, and only cancel or change it if a real emergency arises. Now is not the time to “renegotiate” the visitation schedule.

2. Make new traditions for you and your children. Volunteer at a soup kitchen with your kids, go caroling or buy gifts for less fortunate children and deliver them to your nearest Salvation Army location or other gift collection center. Teach your children about volunteerism, and giving back to the community while spending quality time with them.

3. Quell your bitter feelings toward your ex or soon-to-be ex during the holidays. Be respectful, especially in front of your children.

4. Make a list of the positive things in your life for which you are thankful. Focus on these things when you are feeling vulnerable.

5. Keep it simple. Give yourself a break from the incessant shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, and the like. It is okay to take some time off for yourself.

6. Don’t try to better your former spouse or soon-to-be ex by buying cooler, more expensive gifts for your children.

7. Buy yourself a gift.

8. Work out a holiday visitation schedule in advance of the holidays. Usually holiday visitation takes precedence over regular parenting schedules. Read your court orders or if you do not have a holiday schedule in a court order yet, contact your divorce lawyer to assist you.

9. Don’t make threats. Telling your ex that you will take him/her to court over holiday visitation enforcement issues will result in frustration, unnecessary expense, and delays.

10. If you find yourself facing the holidays without your children, stay busy. Keep your mind occupied and meet with your child custody lawyer to plan your strategy for a holiday visitation schedule for next year.

This article was written by Kathryn L. Harry, family law lawyer and child custody attorney. Attorney Harry has over 23 years of experience helping families navigate Illinois child custody laws. She prides herself on her ability to identify and meet the needs of parents involved in divorce or legal separation. Contact Kathryn for your free case evaluation or call (630) 472-9700.